I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
