At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize