I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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