I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
