im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
