It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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