why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
