I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
