I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
