we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
