he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
