Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
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He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
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Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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