a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
