i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
