I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
