Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
