At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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