i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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