so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
