I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
