just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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