I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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