Dual....:-)
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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