sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
