Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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