My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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