When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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