I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
