Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
