Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
