who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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