Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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