I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
