My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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