Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
