Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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