hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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