apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
