Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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