Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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