Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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