I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize