I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
