After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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