are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
