I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
