That's when you crack a 10am beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
