I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
whose parrot is this?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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