I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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