"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
