I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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