Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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