Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
