Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
