Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
