Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
