Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
