all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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