it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize