look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
