Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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