they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
